The Seasons of Life
by Ireland
Summary: A year in the life
1. Fall

****

"Fall"

*****

When I look back, I know the day all of this started. It was a day like any other…. we chase the bad guys, try to follow the rules to build a case and hope that in the end it's enough for a conviction. There have been several times in the course of our partnership that one of us has been hit, shot or in some way injured. It's part of the risk of the job, one that all cops know well. We've both seen friends on the force killed in meaningless shoot outs, I mean, Dee Dee lost her own husband because of a scumbag criminal who didn't want to go to jail. 

This day ended differently because we watched our lives seem to play out in front of us. Kitty O'Hearn lay sobbing over the body of her partner, Brad Navarro. He lay, already pronounced dead, surrounded in a pool of blood. McCall stood watching her, reading the scene as though she were engrossed in a Danielle Steele novel, recognizing something in O'Hearn's eyes. Regret. Plain and simple. Kitty had confided more than once in McCall that she was in love with Navarro, but just couldn't risk their friendship to tell him. Ever since he and Kathy had divorced three years before, she'd longed to be honest with him, tell him she loved him… Now, she'd never have the chance. 

*****

"Calling All Units, a robbery in progress at 1470 E. Ridgeview. Handon's Jewelry Store - two suspects armed and dangerous. Proceed with caution" We're not robbery, but of course we took the call. We were only about ten blocks away and were to the jewelry store within two minutes. O'Hearn and Navarro had arrived there only seconds before. McCall radioed in that we were responding, and we knew backup would be there soon. We saw the two guys running out the side exit, so Navarro and I took off after them. They got a head start, but I could run fast and soon had caught up with one of them, Brad heading east after the younger one. I jumped the older one, and had him on the ground reading him his rights, when I heard the shot. By the time I got my guy cuffed and back to the store, someone had already shouted, "Officer down" and called the EMT's. My first thought was of McCall, and no amount of words can describe the relief I felt when I saw her standing there with a look of worry. "It's Navarro, he's down," she said grimly. 

The sight is one that will always be imprinted in my memory, I don't think you ever forget the sight of a friend dying. I threw my suspect towards a uniformed officer and ran to the scene. McCall looked over at me with these eyes filled with pain and something else… terror. She had her hands over her mouth, watching O'Hearn beg and plead with Brad to not leave her, to not go.

They said later that when they got to the hospital, they almost couldn't tell which of them was shot - they were both covered in his blood. I saw another officer die, a friend lose his life for no reason, but McCall saw so much more. 

*******

At the funeral, we stood side by side, watching Kitty try to keep her composure as much as possible. She knew half the force thought they were sleeping together, even though they weren't, but right then she could care less. Her grief was so strong, so open, that it radiated from her. The funeral of an officer was always hard, it brought back the realization of the risk we faced everyday, but I noticed McCall seemed to be struggling. I caught myself watching her, sensing that somehow this was affecting her more than usual, though I wasn't sure why.

We rode in the car to her house afterwards, a comfortable silence having settled between us in the car like an extra passenger. She made coffee, as I discarded my jacket to the chair and watched her fish swimming back and forth. She handed me a cup of coffee and patted the couch next to her, for me to sit. "McCall, are you okay?" I questioned. Her usual answer "I'm fine," came back, but I sensed she wasn't finished yet. 

"I've just been thinking." 

"About what?" She bit her lip, as she did so often when thinking and letting a drawn out pause speak for itself. She looked out in the distance when she started talking, as though she was talking to herself and I was simply being allowed to listen in, "I watched Kitty when she was there with Brad. She was begging him not to die, begging him to stay with her… and I saw us. I guess, more than that, I saw her regrets. She'd confided in me more than once that she loved him. Not like two friends love each other, but the kind of love that a man and woman share when they are in love. But, she never told him. She was too afraid of losing his friendship or screwing up what they had and she didn't think she could handle it if he didn't feel the same way." She continued to stare off in space as she continued, "Hunter, I don't want something to happen and to feel the same way." My heart started beating faster as I digested what she was saying. She finally allowed her eyes to focus on mine, letting me in on the conversation, but more importantly letting me in on her heart. "Rick, I love you. I think I've been in love with you almost as long as we've been partners, but I've never been able to tell you. For all the same reasons that Kitty never told Brad. I was afraid that you wouldn't feel the same way, and may still not, but I just can't see what she's going through and live with myself without telling you. Even if it means risking it all, I have to let you know that I'm in love with you." The words had tumbled out of her mouth, even though I knew she'd probably been rehearsing them for the last two days. I couldn't help the smile that was flowing across my face. How long had I dreamed of this moment? Known that I felt the same way, and yet been afraid of telling her for the exact reasons she'd just said? I realized that I'd sat there for a few moments, saying nothing, simply enjoying the moment of when Dee Dee McCall first told me she loved me. I carefully sat my untouched coffee down, and removed hers from her hand as well. As I leaned in to give her the first of a lifetime of kisses, I watched her eyes slowly close and willed myself to keep a snapshot of this moment in my head. This was the first moment of the rest of my life. 


	2. Winter

****

"Winter"

Hunter rolled over to the most beautiful sight in his world… a sheet covered Dee Dee lay still sleeping. Her chest slightly rising and falling with the tranquility of deep sleep. The sun was just rising, casting a small amount of light towards her face, almost as if a spotlight shown on her alone. Granted, that was how he saw her - as if she should be in the spotlight, but somehow at this moment even the sun knew it….

He curled himself as much as possible around her back, in wonderment that she was actually here in his bed, with him. A peace had overtaken him he'd never known possible, a sigh escaping his mouth that novels would eloquently describe as one of contentment. Who know that a person could be this happy? Secretly, Hunter never thought he would be one to settle down with one woman. The men in his family were known as "players" attracting tall, busty blondes. He never thought he could be happy with just one woman, but the day Dee Dee McCall walked in to his life, he knew all that had changed. Okay, maybe not that day… but soon enough afterwards that it was as if she was his only memory. Her existence was his. 

Even after 3 months of being lovers, it was still a wonder to him that she was actually here - with him in his bed. He stayed at her place more often than she at his, but they had been walking on the beach last night and didn't want to make the cross town drive at the late hour. He'd shared this bed with many women over the course of years, but never had he thought he could feel the way about any of them that he felt about her. During work hours, it was all he could do to hide his feelings. They weren't ready for the day that would come if they were discovered, a day that would bring new partners. So, for now, they lived as partners by day and lovers by night; a dual existence that they longed to unite. 

"Good morning, sunshine" she said in her throaty morning voice. She always thought she sounded like she was eating rocks at that point, but Hunter found it incredibly sexy. "How long were you planning to lay there and look at me?" 

He grinned, "Busted, huh?" She just smiled, her lips turning up in a way that melted his heart. "I'm just in awe of this woman I found laying in my bed this morning." She rolled her eyes, as if to say that he was hopeless. 

"I swear I'll never understand men. Women go to all this trouble to fix their hair just right, get the right makeup - and somehow you think we look good in the morning." She shook her head, "Some things I will never, ever understand." 

Being Saturday, they enjoyed a few more stolen moments under the still warm covers before Hunter headed to the kitchen to "whip up some breakfast for the little woman," as he so eloquently put it. He was rewarded with the "McCall smile" as she headed for his shower. In the shower, she caught herself smiling at the Victoria's Secret shower gel, a sign of the increasing frequency of her presence. She could hardly remember how they'd survived for so long without doing this. 

"Hey, shower queen, breakfast is ready," she heard him yell from the kitchen. Wrapping herself in a fuzzy white robe, another feminine item that had mysteriously appeared at his house recently, she followed the scent of eggs into the kitchen. Hunter stood in front of the stove, dressed only in boxers, just setting down two plates on the table. "You can't ever say you'll leave me because I didn't make you breakfast in the morning." Thought he'd meant it as a joke, she looked at him seriously. 

"Hunter, I could never leave you." He crossed the room and enveloped her in his arms, passion flowing between their lips. When they finally broke the embrace, she was overwhelmed with emotion, a part of her being fulfilled she had secretly thought died with Steve.

They took their breakfast out to the porch, enjoying the ocean breeze. They'd found what seemed to be an idealic existence. "I hope our kids inherit your ability to cook, not mine," McCall joked, while savoring the delicious food. Hunter choked, nearly spewing his food across the deck. She looked at him, suddenly scared that she'd gone too far in saying "our kids," even if it was only meant as a joke. "I was just kidding, I can cook macaroni and cheese," she scrambled to smooth over his shock. Catching his breath, he put down his plate.   
  
"I know you were just kidding." He let out his breath, preparing for what he was about to say. "Dee Dee, this may not be the time to say it, but I've thought about it before and," he paused, "I don't ever plan on having kids." Watching her face for a reaction, a mixture of emotions swirled around her face like a tornado - only adding to his turmoil. "I just think for one, that I'm getting to an age where I don't think it's right for a kid to start out with a dad so old that he can't do all the stuff fathers are supposed to do. I know that I want to be a cop until I retire. It's what I've always wanted to do, and I don't want to take the chance that I could leave my child out there without a father, if something were to happen. That's just for starters, …. there are so many reasons why it just wouldn't be fair." He steadily looked at her, knowing what he'd just told her contradicted everything he'd ever heard her say. He was prepared for anything… anything but her tears.

She left her plate where it was and walked in the house. He followed her, wanting to comfort her. "Dee Dee, talk to me. Please." She was in the bedroom, putting on her clothes from the night before. When she finally turned to him, he could see the hurt and frustration pouring from her. "Rick, don't you think this is something you should have told me a long time ago? I mean, come on - how long have you known that I would love to find someone to settle down with, have a family.. the nice 'normal' life?… I thought I found that in you. Now you tell me that you've known all along that we didn't see things the same on something pretty damn major. Did you think I would just say okay and not care? That I'd just go, okay, let me give up my dream of being a mother - just because you don't think it's fair. When were you going to tell me? After we gave up being partners to be together, after I'd already lost you by day????? How long have you known me and heard me talk about having kids, and never, not once did you ever think it prudent to tell me that you never wanted to have them? Talk about unfair, Hunter. I think that's unfair." As she walked past him and out of the house, he couldn't even move. Words seemed as foreign to him as aliens, feeling as though he'd been physically slapped. 

Standing there in the house alone, her scent the only part of her that remained, he thought to himself. It wasn't like he was trying to hide it from her. It had never been an issue until they started dating. He'd known for years that having kids wasn't part of his plans, he just never thought it was something he needed to share. Up until recently, it wasn't as though it would have ever made a difference in her life…. confusion enveloped him. What had he done so wrong? He didn't think that telling someone you didn't want children was exactly the first date kind of discussion. Imagining that he and Dee Dee would spend their lives together had become more than just a dream lately, it was something that he almost took as a given. Of course he wanted to be with her, he wanted to be with her more than anything. Could this change all that? Was she willing to throw away their chance at happiness to find someone who would have children with her? On one hand it all seemed so out of context for her - the Brass Cupcake showing her maternal side. Yet, on the other hand, he'd seen her disappointment when the family was found for her newborn almost-daughter.. it was obvious she wanted to be a mother. What were they going to do?

********

He knocked on her door, "Dee Dee, I know you're in there. We need to talk about this." He could almost hear her silent grumbling through the door, as she opened it and walked back to the kitchen, without even so much as a glance in his direction. He thought to himself that this was going to be a little more difficult to get over than he'd originally thought. "Come on, don't shut me out. We can work through this." She turned on her heel, a steely glare meeting him.   
"How? How can we work through this? I want to have a family, children - some resemblance of a normal life. You quite obviously don't. I think that's about as basic as differences come, don't you?" He couldn't decide if her look would be described as hot as fire, or as cold as ice. Whatever it was, it was a world away from the comforting look he'd seen in her eyes only hours before, as they lay in bed together. He sighed, still not sure how things could have changed so dramatically in such a short time. 

"Because, Dee Dee, I love you and I thought you loved me. If that's true, then I can't believe that there's nothing we can't work through. I don't know how right now, I don't have all the answers.. I just know I don't want to lose you." She just stared at him for a moment as confusion, hurt and frustration all made their way in to her veins, now intertwined with the blood flowing through them. When she finally spoke, the edgy tone had been abandoned, but the determination wasn't lost in her quietness. 

"Hunter, what I can't believe is that it never occurred to you before this morning to tell how you felt about this. I love you, but you're asking me to give up all my dreams of a family, just to be with you. If I did that, and then I lost you what would I have? I'd be left with nothing. I just can't put myself through that again." Having had his feelings trampled on enough by then, he finally came to his own defense, 

"JUST to be with me? You'd have to give ALL that up, JUST to be with me," he emphasized his words to drive in his point. "Well, I wouldn't want you to end up with the booby prize or anything." His words were sent out as arrows searching for their target, and they found it in her soul. "I'm sorry that I never mentioned this to you before, but I didn't think that having children was the reason you and I were together. I was under the impression that you were in this because you loved me, because we had something worth fighting for and worth risking for. I guess I was the only one who thought that. The mistake was mine, and trust me, I won't make it again." With that, he was the one to turn his back on her. He was gone before she could breathe again, the sound of the slamming door left as his last taunting word.

*********

Monday morning brought two hurting hearts across from each other. They sat, separated by wood and nails of their desks, but it might as well have been a cement wall - as neither one willing to take a step forward. Ten A.M. had long come and gone before even a word was uttered between the two, and that only consisted of Hunter asking if she had finished the report for the Evans case yet. His answered was delivered as though on a cold silver platter, where McCall wished she could put his head. The boxers sat in their opposite corners, each one feeling as though they were the one that was wronged, that the other should be the one to apologize for the hurtful words exchanged… and neither one willing to budge. Roosevelt made the mistake of asking if something was wrong, to which Hunter told him where he could go, which bus he could take and exactly which stop to get off on. No one else dared asking again.   
  
The rumors about Hunter and McCall had been flying for years, the pool on how long they'd been sleeping together had grown substantially in accordance. The winner would be the person who could prove what everyone was thinking. Today the pool started on "the lovers quarrel" and it's duration. It proved to be only another source of major irritation to McCall, on a long list that had started with her alarm that morning. 

*******

The painstaking silence had gone on for nearly two weeks by this time. They spoke only about casework, did as much investigating separately as possible. Charlie, along with everyone else, knew there was something going on, but hadn't been able to get even a word out of either of them. He was beginning to wonder if he shouldn't send them back to the Department Psychologist, as their case work was starting to show the results of their lacking teamwork. They were two of the best cops he had, and even though he suspected their relationship went beyond 9 to 5, as long as they kept up their record he was willing to play dumb. This, whatever it was, had begun to show up in their work, and he wasn't going to be able to ignore it for much longer. Secretly, he hoped they could work it out on their own and everyone could get their noses back in their own business.

"Hunter, McCall - my office now." Charlie's voice boomed across the station. Normally, Hunter would have cracked a comment about McCall picking locks again or something similar, but today not even a sideways glance was sent between them. They took their customary places in the two chairs facing his desk, Charlie looking back and forth between the two of them. He sighed, hating being forced to play go between. "Look, I don't know what the hell is going on between the two of you, and quite honestly I don't care. Your relationship or lack of one outside of work can stay there, as far as I'm concerned, as long as your work is consistent. The last two weeks your work, to put it lightly, sucks eggs. If the quality of your work doesn't start shaping up, I'm going to take both of you off active duty, give you more deskwork than you care to think about and send you to the department psychologist. Do I make myself clear?" Both opened their mouth to object, but fell short of words - only able to nod. "Now, I want both of you, and I do mean BOTH of you, to go check out the Delaney case. It's got Roosevelt and Bradson stumped, so I want you to go back over it and re-question everyone. I want some results, like now." After pausing long enough to make sure he was heard and understood, he finished, "You're dismissed." 

Swearing under their breaths, both returned to their desks. Finally, Dee Dee looked up at him, "Okay, lets get this straight. I am not going on desk duty because of this. So, lets just do what we have to do and get Charlie off our backs." All his hurt and frustration having turned to a stagnant bitterness in both of them, "Fine by me. The Rams are on tonight, so, in spite of what Charlie said, how about if I'll track down the guys and interview them and you take the three women. I'll make my reports, you make yours, and we'll sign both of them?" His tone conveyed the tension that remained between them. 

**********

By 5:30, Hunter was no farther along than the previous detectives. With his suspects interviewed and reports written though, Hunter was on his way home, thinking of the Rams and chili dogs in attempt to prevent thoughts of *her* from catching up to the speeding car, when the dispatcher called over the radio. "L-56 come in. I have a patch from the Captain." "Patch him through." An angry voice barreled over the radio, "Hunter, where the hell are you?" "I'm just off Pine and 43rd, on my way home." Wondering how he'd managed to get himself in trouble again already. "I told you and McCall to do that work TOGETHER. Get your ass to Wilshire Memorial," his tone grew quieter, "McCall is in surgery. She's been shot." And with those words, his car and his life came to a screeching halt. 


	3. Spring

****

"Spring"

*************

He sat watching her, begging her eyes to open. The longed to see the pools of brown that could warm his heart or break it in two, as it had done for the last two weeks. The surgery had been over five hours, the bullet having done extensive damage to her lungs and other vital organs. She'd lost a lot of blood and the doctors were amazed she'd even made it through the surgery. The coma that she had lapsed into wasn't a surprise, and they tried to warn Hunter that her chances weren't exactly that of a winning lottery ticket. 

Charlie said that she'd knocked on the door of a suspect, identified herself as LAPD, and a bullet had shot through the door before she even had a chance to react. So he sat. And he sat, and he sat. Fearing that if he left her side for a moment, she might not be there when she got back. He blamed himself for letting her go off by herself, it didn't matter if they'd both been mad and had made this choice a joint one. If he'd been there, this wouldn't have happened - he wouldn't have let it, knowing that he'd have made sure he was the one who took the bullet instead. Charlie had tried to assure him that even if he'd been there, there was no way anyone could have known that this would happen.

How had things gotten to this point? When had he let himself forget that loving her was the most worthwhile and perfect thing he'd ever done? What had he done? He took her limp hand in hers, "Dee Dee, they always say that people in a coma can hear the voices of the people they love. I know right now that you might not think that I'm someone you love, but I do love you. I'm so sorry for the last two weeks. They've been the most miserable two weeks of my life.

After Navarro died, you told me that you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't risk it and tell me how you felt. You were right. You risked it McCall, and I've never been so happy." He struggled with the words, instead wanting to weep and beg her to wake up. "Please, Dee Dee, give me another chance. Risk it - come back from where ever you are, I promise we'll figure something out." He searched her face for sign of recognition, a sign of hope.…a sign of life. "In the movies, isn't this where you're supposed to wake up and say, 'okay, you big stud, take me to bed or lose me forever'?" He waited for her to say her line, but all he heard was the sound of her monitors reporting that her body was at least fighting for a chance. "Okay, you sleep for now, but I'm not giving up on us. I'm not." 

The next three days were a blur of red bleeps, nurses and doctors for Hunter. He positively refused to budge, so they allowed him to stay there long past visiting hours, and pretended not to notice when he used the shower because he refused to go home. Charlie had told him not to worry about the vacation time, knowing that Hunter blamed himself for this. As he sat there one afternoon he noticed some magazines that a nurse or someone had left there for him to look at. Until now they'd been untouched. Cocking his head to the side, he noticed the top one was the newest Ethan Allen Home Furnishings catalog. "Hey, McCall, look, someone must think it's time for me to redecorate." He joked with her, as though they were sitting over a bowl of chowder on a lazy Sunday afternoon. He picked up the catalog and flipped through to the first pages. "Okay, they do have some nice stuff in here, I suppose. If you just open your eyes, you can look at it with me - we could pick out some decorations." He found himself talking aloud to her, thoughts running out as if they had their own mind. "You know, when you get better and we get all this 'stuff' worked out, what do you say we move in together?" He smiled to himself. "We could have a huge master bedroom with one of those dark wood, four poster beds. The kind that Ethan Allen himself would be proud of - you know with some of that lacey stuff draped all around it, like in a romance novel. It would be so tall off the ground, we'd get one of those step-stools so you could climb in - or I could just throw you in. We'd buy all the matching dressers, so everything would be coordinated just like you like." He paused, her cue to smile, but his only reaction the steady beeps of the monitors. "Then wait til you see the master bathroom. It has one of those big jacuzzi tubs, the kinds that are big enough for TWO, even when one of them has long legs. We could come home after a hard day at work, and soak in the tub with light music playing in the background, the only light would be big candles around the tub. Can you see it?" He didn't even glance at her this time, caught up in the new story he was weaving. He continued on to describe the wonderful oak staircase that he'd carry her up, the beautiful view of the beach they'd have. They'd take long walks on the beach, holding hands and watching the sun set. Room by room, he conjured up a dream home that would warm the coldest of hearts. He stopped, thinking to himself for a few minutes - and then continuing on the fantastic journey. "Oh, and Dee Dee, I almost forgot the most important part." He smiled to himself again. "We would have the most beautiful nursery for the baby. Yes, you heard me correctly. We could do it in a blue and paint clouds and stars all over the walls, so that he or she would feel all cozy and warm. I know you could pick out the most gorgeous crib and find all the things that a baby needs." He felt tears in his eyes, "Dee Dee, I realized that if you could take the risk to tell me that you love me, that I can risk anything to be with you. I still don't know if I'm cut out to be a dad, and I still have reservations about being a cop and a father at the same time, but if it means that much to you then we could do it. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you in it. If you want a whole house full of kids, well, .. how about we take it one at a time? I'm serious though. I've realized that no matter what, we were meant to be together." He was so caught up in the tears edging down his cheeks, a rare occasion for him, that he didn't notice her hand move under his. He jumped when he felt the cool, smooth skin of her touch his cheek and take on the weight of his tear. 

"I think you forgot about the dog." She had that 'just woke up' throaty voice that he so loved. 

"What dog?" He managed to get out, now unable to stop a flow of emotion at the most beautiful sound in the world - her voice.

"Well, a big house like that wouldn't be complete without a dog for the kids to play with, now would it?" He let out a belly laugh, having been so caught off guard. She just smiled. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Big Guy." His laughter quieted down, a ten thousand pound weight having been lifted from his shoulders by her awakening. 

"I thought I'd lost you. I thought we'd blown it, and done exactly what we set out to prevent. I don't know what all you heard, but I meant every word I said. I'm willing to risk anything to be with you, even being a father." Her eyes seem to be sparkling, but her face grew very serious. 

"That big house on the beach, the kids, the dog - it all sounds nice, but I can't do it." The shock that came over his face was undisguisable. He thought they'd found a compromise - that they could get over anything. He couldn't even manage to get out a "why?" "You see, I simply can't consider having children with someone I'm not married to." 

"Well, Sgt. McCall, we're just going to have to do something about that, now aren't we?" He said in a voice that came out barely above a whisper, but with a chesire cat grin on his face. "Just as soon as we can get you out of that flimsy hospital gown…. then again, on second thought, maybe we should take that with us too." 


	4. Summer

****

"Summer"

She had disappeared. Not disappeared as in an abduction or anything like that. But all I knew is that I had been staring at the stupid computer trying to pull up a case file (the precinct got new computers this summer - DAMN) and then I looked over to where she had been sitting and she was gone. But, hey, I'm police officer, I can track people down, right? 

Clues. Her purse was not on the chair next to the file cabinets, where I had seen her set it down just a few minutes earlier and was, therefore, with her. Her chair was still slightly spinning, meaning she left in a hurry. Ah ha! There's only one place she could be. Opening the drawer, I grabbed a packet of crackers and made my way to my wife.

I opened the door to the women's bathroom cautiously and found what I suspected: my beautiful bride leaning over the sink with a pale look on her face, brushing her teeth. That could only mean one thing. "Morning sickness?" I asked, just to be sure. Those two words caused her to stop fixing herself up and, giving me a look of pure disgust, run to the nearest stall where I could hear her disposing of the remains of her breakfast. The only other woman, a uniformed rookie, took one look at her hanging with her head over the toilet, giving me a sideways glance and hurried out. I sighed and, as she returned to my side, handed her a cracker. She swung herself delicately onto the counter and leaned against the mirror. 

"Thank goodness the first trimester is almost up - I'm really getting tired of giving homage to the porcelain god." Grabbing a paper towel, I moistened it, using it to mop off the sweat that had appeared around her face. I dug through my pockets and came up with a mint, which she accepted gratefully. I whipped out a comb and started brushing her gorgeous jet black hair, which she is wearing straighter and shorter than she used to. I gave her a quick hug and a kiss and stepped back to take a look at her.

Not good. She still looked exhausted and had a faint greenish glow. *She should not have to work so hard. She deserves to be in the warm depths of our bed with me waiting on her every wish.* I pulled the love of my life off the bathroom counter and supported her back to her desk, where I gathered our stuff and made our escape as quickly as possible. I placed a quick call to Charlie and said that we're sick and on our way home. (Ok, I left a message, he's still a little pissed about not getting to attend the wedding. Can I help it if we decided to elope overnight?). After all, murders have a way of popping up at the most inconvenient times. 

So now here I am, lying in bed, my arms wrapped around the woman of my dreams, who sleeps soundly. She's been suffering from morning sickness for practically her entire pregnancy- about three months now. I wish I could take away her burden, especially the pain we know she will experience during labor. But I am her support, her strength, and I accept it.

I can't say I still don't have some concerns about being a father, but I lightly place my hand on the budding bulge of her stomach and I know in my heart that it will be okay. I look back over the last year and I'm amazed by everything that has happened in the last year. Charlie's been saying that he is assigning us new partners, but secretly I think he's trying to let us stay together as long as possible. At one point, I wasn't even sure I thought I'd ever get married, and here I am about to be a father in six short months. I have to admit, I still am in shock at the wedding we had. We decided on a Thursday to get married, and Friday night we were in Vegas, proclaiming our love in the "Love Shack Chapel." Who'd have ever thought McCall would go for it? I'd only suggested it as a joke and to my surprise she asked how quick I could pack. She'd been out of the hospital almost a month by then, and we'd gone back and forth about picking a wedding date. I'd finally said, "Gee, we could married by tomorrow night if we just go to Vegas and find a cute chapel.." Well, we caught a red-eye, and by Monday we'd broken the news to our families. 

Only three weeks of marital bliss had passed when she asked, over a candlelight dinner, if I thought I was ready to take on father hood yet… she was already pregnant. It was a bit of a surprise that it happened so quick, but as I lay here with a warm summer breeze blowing through the window, I know that whoever comes along will be well loved and taken care of. Life has risks, and I don't want to miss anything because of fears. Just like we realized when Navarro died, I don't want to get to the end of road and have regrets. 

It's been over a year since she first shook my world by saying she loved me. I always considered myself a creature of habit, rejecting change like a body rejects cancerous cells, but even I have to admit that I've never been happier or more content. If you'd have told me a year ago that I'd be married and holding my wife's hair back while she throws up every morning from morning sickness, I'd have told you that you were nuts. Love has a funny way of changing a person though. Everyday I fall more in love with this woman sleeping beside me, and already my heart is swelling with love for our child, just as her stomach grows to nurture it. All I can say is, what a year for love.


End file.
